Changing careers is incredibly easy, and you will never once be filled with suffocating self doubt. I’m just kidding, thats happens everyday.

I haven’t talked about it in much detail on cait + tiff, but I have decided to leave my career in public health, and move toward a career in design and fashion.  It even makes me nervous as I type it, like saying it on the blog will mean I will never be allowed back into the Public Health Club, which I never really felt like I belonged in to begin with. I loved public health when I studied it, and after getting a masters degree on the subject, its hard to walk away. A part of me feels like I failed in my old career, like I wasn’t smart enough or good enough somehow. I am fully aware that those thoughts are a destructive waste of time, but we are all friends here, and I over-share like a boss.

I love the mission of women’s health work and development in general, and I want the work that I do to make things better for women in the world. But I could never connect with the work the way I hoped I would, and that made me feel selfish and stupid. I felt like what I was doing wasn’t helping anyone and I spent a lot of time looking at design blogs and pretty stuff, wishing I was doing that instead. I felt like I was letting people down.

This year has been a doozy.  There has been lot of sadness, a lot of change, and a lot of anxiety, which has lead to a number of poorly-timed meltdowns and far too many romantic comedies.

As much as it sounds like it so far, this isn’t a post about how sad and hard my life is, it’s not. The very fact that I can change my career means I was born lucky. I am insanely fortunate to be able to make this shift and have the support of the amazing people that fill my life.

The intention of this is to record the process. I have a lot of faith in this change, and I think I will be good at it. I don’t know exactly where I will go with it…maybe textiles, maybe fashion design, maybe styling, maybe writing. I know that whatever I do, I want to do it on my own terms, and without the intent to please anyone but myself.

So this is what it feels like to be a few months into a major career change. It’s hardly advice, and I have no clue what I am doing, but I do know that its the right move. I am now doing what I love, instead of the things I think I should love, and it feels like the right direction, but still a bit awkward. Its my own professional puberty.

That’s it for my clumsy thoughts today, thanks for reading.

Photo: Bri Emery