I do weird stuff sometimes. The peak times for me doing weird stuff are:
- When I’m tired
- When no one is around
- When lots of people are around but I don’t know them
- When I am traveling
- When I have time to kill
On the way back to US over the weekend, the conditions were perfect. I had 7 hours in the Seoul airport between my flight from Phnom Penh and my flight to LAX. I have a hard time sleeping on planes, so when me and my bloodshot eyeballs arrived in Seoul at 6:30 with about 30min of awkward plane sleep, the weird was coming.
I’m sharing this stuff because I think these things are awesome but also sort of strange. Either way, I highly recommend doing them while in transit. Sort of like a weirdo bingo.
- Sneaky facial. My skin is always wrecked after flights. It’s drying and red and awful and puffy and ew. My favorite way to fix this is to pretend I am a very fancy person, walk into Duty Free and make a bee-line to the very-expensive cosmetics counter. I ask about a few products, and tell them I am interested in trying a few other things from their line, because I have already tried so many. I ask about specific issues and ingredients in the product and by the end, my face is covered with dead sea cream and virgin tears. It’s a free facial and makes my skin happy. Sometimes I do buy something, sometimes I do not, either way I glow.
- Go find the ginseng counter. This is Seoul-specific, I guess, but can apply to other cultural things in airports all over the world. Korea is super into red ginseng, because it’s super good for you and it looks like the dead aliens from Independence Day when they are in those big glass tubes and Bill Pullman is like, “oh dang.” Anyway, I didn’t know that much about it, so I went to the counter and asked why it’s so popular. The people working there know SO MUCH, and they are happy to share and have you taste things. I got a few ginseng candies out of the deal and I feel much healthier already.
- Dance party. This is more of a mall walk/booty shake, but it’s fun. Grab one of those little push carts, put your carry ons on that bad boy, and put those ear buds in. I usually listen to HAIM, Raphael Saadiq, Prince, Billy Joel, or B, or some awesome combo of all. I walk as fast as I can, pushing the cart and a jamming out. I walk like Tyra, give a little booty tooch, and usually work up a sweat. Don’t worry, there are showers upstairs. Sometimes I sing, because you might as well look properly crazy if people are already staring at you. They jealous.
- Jason masks. In addition to the sneaky facial, I love the paper masks they sell at the cheapy cosmetic stores all over the airport. These are the products that aren’t nice enough to get into Duty Free and come in flavors ranging from snail to 24 karat gold to royal jelly. Find a row of empty seats, and put that weird mask on your face and watch people be terrified of you. If you lay down and cross your arms across your chest, people may thing you are embalming yourself. Hell, you might be, I don’t know what’s in those masks.
- Stretch. This is actually a very good idea, and if you are lucky, you might be joined by a group of elderly ladies that are amused by how giant you are. The stretching really helps with the whole sitting for a million hours thing, but people will look at you. It’s important to make sure you are not wearing see-through leggings for this, but that’s pretty much the only precaution.
That’s all. There are probably more things, but chances are, I don’t notice they are happening. Everyone steals cheese from the lounge, don’t look at me.
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