I don’t talk about it a lot, perhaps it’s because of the way I was raised (Chinese parents aren’t big on talking about emotions), or the way I am (an annoyingly and not healthful propensity for dealing with problems on my own…eldest child syndrome?). But when I get a pause in the work flow, I don’t tend to enjoy it. Instead, the anxiety monster lets loose and it gets biblical. I’m not even religious, so if I’m comparing it to the apocalypse, it must be bad. And perhaps it’s the change in the seasons (the monsoon is here), or the fact that work is picking up, but all the feelings are happening and they all are gunning for me to shoot myself in the foot. These include:
- I am completely and utterly uninspired. I clearly suck.
- Do I actually belong here? Or do I stick out like a sore thumb?
- Why the heck are you hiring me?
- I’m totally going to screw this up. You’re really making a mistake here.
- I should never have left [insert big well-paying international job]
- Elevated heart rates galore.
The truth is, things are going great. I am really happy about where I’m going and the rate I’m doing it. I even bought myself a bunch of things (yay cookbooks!! and because money). I really suck at self care when it comes to being mindful, but a series of great reads (and a watch) have epically helped me to get out of that stupid anxiety bear trap. They either give me brand new ideas or validate things I’ve felt. And I read them over and over again when the monster sneaks in. Because they are that great.
There are lessons in making it in comedy, slow and small, from one of my favourite performers.
Even the biggest creatives in the industry feel it too.
By November, I’ll basically working four very different jobs. This is not at all a bad thing.
Wait. Here’s one more.
Oh right. One more.
The two-ish years of this career pivot were worth it, even if it meant a pay cut.
And here’s a crash course all about it (also Camille Rowe is a girl crush).