*Warning – there’s so much acknowledged privileged whining here.

When I left global public health consulting and a more traditional way of earning an income to live life as a millennial stereotype at the brink of 30, I joked and called it “early retirement.”  I was going to get to pursue creative things, mostly photography, full time.  And pepper this time with short tiny consulting opportunities here and there to make sure I could maintain things until things could take off.  These tiny little projects sometimes took me to cool places, or they let me do things wherever I wanted. Or they were the coolest little opportunities to get some concrete experience doing communications work.

But then I got offered a desk job.  That’s right, a full time desk job that would bring me back to my pre-retirement life.  And I couldn’t say no.  There were toys that I needed to buy, a Cait I needed to go visit in April.  And savings! I’m not necessarily a high maintenance kind of girl, but I apparently like expensive toys and far flung places (like LA, right?).

Nonetheless, I had to come to terms with returning to an industry I had made the decision to leave.  It’s not like I haven’t had these feelings before. Was it the end of the world? No. It’s an opportunity.  I’m coming to this new job a couple of years wiser.  I’ve shifted passions, but I can still be good at what I do at work.  Except with a little more distance this time.  And it’s not like I’m selling my soul here.  I am not throwing in the towel here.

I love this quote from Amanda Kohr and her profile on She Explores.

And I am epically inspired by this new theme song to my life.  For at least this contract.

I’m looking forward to going full throttle with the clients I can still make time for (weekends and evenings!), going bigger and bolder with projects, and all the toys! So many toys.  And the places!  I like barriers because they’ve always pushed me harder.

So I have to spend eight hours a day in something that doesn’t necessarily feed my soul, but lets me do more things that will help feed my soul instead. And eventually that golden needle of a YES will show up. I’m so excited.  (Except for the fact that I lost my beloved afternoon nap).